Ann Kroeker’s Mother’s Day Project
This post is for Ann Koreker’s Mother’s Day project at High Calling Blogs, http://highcallingblogs.com/7638/mothers-day-project/
One recent Friday morning, I told my 11-year-old daughter to hurry up with her earrings so I could take her to school. She said her ear hurt. I looked closely and discovered that she had developed an infection from the piercing.
Immediately, I knew I had to do two things:
1) Call the doctor, to prescribe
2) Call Mom, to pray
Only, I couldn’t call Mom. She had just died. She would not be able to pray for my daughter.
That’s when I lost it.
How could my daughter survive without Mom’s prayers? How could my son? Or my husband? How could I live another week on this earth without her prayers?
When Mom was alive, I didn’t need to pray. That was her job — one she excelled at. When she asked me to pray for her, I said I would, but I lied. Why should I bother praying? Her prayers were already better than anything I could ask or imagine.
This time, the praying was up to me. This is what came out: God, I mean … really! Come on!
That was about as far as I got, praying solo. So, I cried. I fussed at God for taking away my Prayer Warrior.
After a few bitter minutes, I called the doctor. It took two rounds of antibiotics to clear up what turned out to be a staff infection in my daughter’s ear.
It may take more than two rounds to clear up this infection in my soul. Not just losing my mom, but losing my spiritual compass. How can I live a Christian life without her?
I don’t want to tie this post up too neatly, but this Sabbath-thing gives me a candle flame of hope. In fact, many Sabbaths I have lit tea candles for each prayer burden, as if to say, Here, God, You pray. When the light is extinguished, I leave it in His hands.
I guess I’ll have to do that with my Mom, too. But I may need a bigger candle.
Sabbath Says | Comments (10)10 Responses to “Ann Kroeker’s Mother’s Day Project”
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Megan, I’m so sorry. What a beautiful gift your mom gave you, praying for you and modeling prayer. Thank you for sharing this window into your loss, your grief, and your dear mother who faithfully turned to God on behalf of others.
I don’t know how serious you were about the big candle, but I like the idea a lot: A big candle that can remind you of her gift of prayer–and maybe help you practice prayer in a new way.
Thank you for participating in the Mother’s Day writing project with HighCallingBlogs. It’s an honor to share it with everyone on Wednesday.
Megan,
I wonder if she has passed the flame to you? I don’t think you need antibiotics…maybe vitamins. Loss makes us vulnerable, but in your cries I hear the words of a loving daughter, a caring mother.
Your prayers are incense to Him.
luv to you.
It sounds like your Mom reflected much light in that candle she carried. I light one for you today, my friend.
(… And may He continue to light your path.)
[...] Read all of Megan’s post. [...]
This compels me to treasure my living mother while I have her. Your mother kindled your light and it hasn’t gone out, shining.
Again, dear young Jesus-sister, you laid it out there–eloquently but bluntly–what many of us think and are afraid to speak in words. I’ve given more than eloquent thanks tonight that since I don’t have my mother praying here on earth, God put you in my life. Great grandmothers need their praying moms, also. According to some powerful miracles I’ve survived, I suspect our moms have continued to pray for us… up close and right in God’s face! Praise Him! Your words have again comforted.
Prayer is like breathing… just tell Him the ache too. It is His life in you, and He is interceding where you don’t know how to pray. Oh, but my heart hurts reading this… I don’t know how to pray myself. It just spills over sometimes, and I try to talk.
Thanks for your real.
Megan, I’m so glad you’re sharing about your struggles with grief honestly on this blog. I think that “counts” as prayer! And anytime, my dear friend…anytime, night or day. You call or email and I will pray for you and your precious family and their needs. If I can ease the burden at ALL, I want to.
I’ve struggled the same way with prayer. Maybe it’s like other things in my life – I’ve doubted whether I’m really able to do it “right” or “well.”
This might have been my favorite of all your postings. And that’s really saying something.
Lovely words and an inspiration to all of us.
Again, dear young Jesus-sister, you laid it out there–eloquently but bluntly–what many of us think and are afraid to speak in words. I’ve given more than eloquent thanks tonight that since I don’t have my mother praying here on earth, God put you in my life. Great grandmothers need their praying moms, also. According to some powerful miracles I’ve survived, I suspect our moms have continued to pray for us… up close and right in God’s face! Praise Him! Your words have again comforted.